gatorfarm.com

Colorado Gator Farm
9162 County Road 9 North
Mosca, CO 81146

Dear Sirs:

I would like to make an appointment to grapple with one of your beautiful alligators this Friday. I was wondering if the albino Mr. Bo Mangles was available. Also, does my ticket to Gator Land also grant me admission into Bird Paradise? Are there any Valentines Day specials? I anticipate your swift reply.

Yours in reptilian appreciation,
Kaeleigh Forsyth

unicorn in captivity

Night Moves

Don’t try to understand it.  Just watch it.

el armor prohibido

Suffice to say my family loves the Portland Trailblazers.  Last year my father spent roughly half of his income on season box seats.  I have been raised in the faith, but only find myself watching the games anymore when I am at home. However, the last couple of seasons have had one particularly compelling, particularly spanish incentive to watch: presento a usted Rudy Fernandez

Maybe he likes 16th century literature?

A man with a lot on his mind... probably about medieval castilian prose if I were guessing

A love of basketball: one of the many things we probably have in common

You can take his arm, but don't touch that face

john baldessari

weird stuff… I’m into it.

free at last, free at last

I just made a startling discovery.  I am 8 classes away from completing my handful of degrees.  This is great news because I am overly prepared to migrate elsewhere.  Don’t get me wrong: I have enjoyed every other moment of my life here in Utah.  I enjoy the people.  I enjoy my work. I have enjoyed school.  I enjoy the food (I’m looking at you, Bruges Waffles & Frites).  But  it is time to go.  One year ago is it time to go.

Last night while defending a fact on a snapple cap, Jil said to me, “I can’t wait for you to get a degree so that maybe someone will believe any of the shit that you pretend to know about.”  That’s exactly it.  I think they call it a B.S. because it gives you the credentials to discuss whatever you want with that extra edge of pretentious conviction.  I’m always trying to get into population structures of heuristic search algorithm genetics, and “the man” still insists I’m not qualified.  Pretty soon? BOOM- my friend B.S. has something to say about that.  Thousands of dollars and five years well spent.  Historical studies in industrial relations? I’m an expert.  The physics rate of molecular collisions?  I can do it in my sleep.  Lest we forget our friend Sarah Palin also concluded her educational career with a bachelor’s in communication.  So in December I’m ready to launch my presidential campaign.

Hopefully I’m doing the grad school thing if God wills it so.  I’ll go wherever the bar is low enough so as to accept me in the first place.  But where to look?  The possibilities are endless.

I wish I had connections.  Does anyone have connections? I need to connect.  I can’t survive on my own.  Have you seen Into The Wild? 

I’ll die out there.

Things I am currently loving

1. My new amazing earrings which I had on layaway for a month at a consignment shop:

2. The imminence of Project Runway: Season 7

3. The Beehive Tea Room:

3. The master wordsmith who is writing the symphony programs right now.  I keep asking around whose work it is and no one seems to know.  Here are some samples of their largely unappreciated talent:

“This music gives off a vapor of drugged sweetness, of fatalistic melancholy.”

“…ends in a veritable blaze of sound.” (3 symphonies in this program are in fact reported to end in a veritable blaze of sound.)

 ”The motto haunts the symphony in both obvious and subtle ways, thus infusing it with compelling impetus.”

“… the luxuriant counterpoint and rapturous melodies hold the listener entranced.”

“The warmly flowing lyrical theme as well as the brilliant fugato section demand the utmost in woodwind virtuosity.”

 ”…a ravishingly beautiful oboe solo full of Hungarian flavor.”

” …a wondrous dialogue of piano and orchestra in all its mulifarious aspects haunts the audience throughout the second movement.”

“…sheer demonic fury…  the musical equivalent of a tornado ride through hell.”

Wow. And to think only 5 people will ever read it. Pearls before swine, I tell you.

4.  Brideshead Revisited movie soundtrack:

Terry Davies & BBC Philharmonic: Sebastian

5.  Lume Luxe candles from Target in White Fig. Alas, the line is discontinued and they are all sold out.

I think we can all agree that was one of the nerdiest posts to date. Good day.

Watch on loop

Creepy Auntie Kaeleigh’s finest accomplishment:

hmmmmmm?

My dear Sir

Art is useless because its aim is simply to create a mood. It is not meant to instruct, or to influence action in any way. It is superbly sterile, and the note of its pleasure is sterility. If the contemplation of a work of art is followed by activity of any kind, the work is either of a very second-rate order, or the spectator has failed to realise the complete artistic impression.

A work of art is useless as a flower is useless. A flower blossoms for its own joy. We gain a moment of joy by looking at it. That is all that is to be said about our relations to flowers. Of course man may sell the flower, and so make it useful to him, but this has nothing to do with the flower. It is not part of its essence. It is accidental. It is a misuse. All this is I fear very obscure. But the subject is a long one.

Truly yours,

Oscar Wilde

For more awesome stuff check this out:

http://www.lettersofnote.com/

Fuzzy Memories

circa 1997- During second phase of  bowl cut grow out. Professional mall photo with American Girl doll (Samantha) in matching Victorian dress.

and so begins 2010

I am back, and with wonderful news: I am now the proud owner of a Canon Rebel.  That’s right, no longer are my superior photographic inclinations being impaired by substandard technology.  Just look at the beauties I took over winter vacation:

Afternote: obvs I have no f’ing idea how to size things appropriately so they fit on this layout.  But I tried, anyway.

My family's beautiful house, located in the charming agricultural town/nuclear waste dump known as Pasco, WA

This picture is still a little blurry, but I couldn't exclude Humphrey (the love of my life) from my blog

brothers, just goofin

Happy new year, my blog friends!

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family tree – Genealogy – Celeb – Collage – Morph

Why are only five of my celebrity look alikes women (two of them being Hiltons)?  I look 73% like a hobbit!?!  Who the F is Sertab Erener???  This has caused me great distress.  I’m trying another picture.

valori’s fantasy puppet world

Check out this cuh-razy painting I found while foraging in Valori’s room.  She must have been trippin on something heavy, because…woah.

I love it.  I want it.  I need it.

A Christmas Miracle!

I just heard great news… Gary Busey is going to be a dad!

I am ecstatic.

The Simple Life

The past two weeks I have been going the way of the pioneer, without a cell phone.  My apologies to everyone who thought they were being ignored.  When I say “everyone” I refer to my mother.  Anyway, it has been quite interesting.  On one hand, it’s liberating to be phoneless because I am not aware of how many people are not calling me.  On the other hand, it is making me all too aware of my helplessness as a human being.  Things seemed to have gone pretty smoothly before the time of the cell phone, but I can’t understand how.  Today my friend and I were supposed to meet up but had a communication breakdown about the location.  I spent an hour aimlessly driving about Provo in hopes of spontaneously encountering her.  When this didn’t work, I had to drive to my cousins’ house and use their computer to get the phone numbers of other friends via facebook chat and then attempt to call all of them in hopes of getting the phone number of the person I was trying to meet. 

And to think our ancient ancestors fought lions off with sticks. *

*????

The Archieves– 11/7/07

The funniest part about this post wasn’t so much the video itself as Rachael’s comment.

Picture of the Day

I cannot stop laughing at this picture of Scott’s children.  Jackson looks like Bill Murray ca. Groundhog’s Day.

happy hanukkah, intranet

Valori and I came across this:

woah.

“well, I think we’ve seen all Snakes Bend has to offer.”

I went on a trip to Mexico last week, and on the way there was some weird competition where we had to write down the most disgusting thing to ever happen to us (for a grand prize of $20).  I opted out of participating, but if I had I would have written this down:

I don’t know why I’m the only person who liked this movie.  Okay, so I’m 1/8 of the people on earth who liked this movie, 6 of them being the other members of my family and 1 being the guy who posted this.  Must be that Forsyth sophistication.

Here are some pics from the venture:

Adios.

Fernando Botero

So it’s pretty Art.com… but it’s still awesome.

Fuzzy Memories, ca.2005

Katie and I handed these pictures out to our senior high school teachers.  They were recieved with confusion and annoyance.

Dig it– Craig Voligny

The Archieves– Oct. 1, 2007

Monday, October 01, 2007 

I gave my roommate a novelty loofa for her birthday and she thought it was a stuffed animal. It has been propped up on her bed ever since.

 I also gave her some scented body wash as a helpful gesture; she opened it up and rubbed it into her hands.  I’m confused about her confusion because there is a large container of Ivory body wash in our shower, which raises the question of what she is doing with said body wash.

 I love her regardless.

We used to think this was so funny, but I would like to say in Gina’s defense that that loofa has a polar bear face on it.  For those of you who don’t know of the tragic end to this story, Gina ended up smelling so putrid most of the time that I had to write her a note extolling the virtues of personal hygiene.  She brought this note to me asking for clarification as to what deodorant was.  She had never previously heard of it, and I wasn’t going to give her the cultural benefit of the doubt there, because, come on, they have deodorant in Taiwan.

I could regale you with so many a Gina story. Here are some samplings:

- She had this thing where she couldn’t actually touch any of her food.  Every morning she would microwave a bagel in a bowel and then I would watch in awe as she held the bowel to her face, unhinged her jaw, and deep throated the entire bagel after a great deal of struggle.  She seemed to be confused about food altogether as her perishables (packets of meat and cheese) were kept in the cupboards whereas individual slices of bread were stocked in the fridge.  Most of the time her meals consisted of an entire loaf of bread, which she would consume by turning the top of the bread bag inside out and using the plastic to avoid bread-to-skin contact.

- Rachael, Natalie and I signed up to live together in a 4-bed student housing situation, and Gina was the wildcard.  There were two bedrooms in this apartment, and I was elected to be the one to share an intimate space with Gina.  Fine, not a problem, like they say: tolerance of the Taiwanese is next to Godliness.  I acquiesced and was punished relentlessly for it because I would soon learn that Gina’s alarm clock went off every morning at 5 a.m., despite the fact that she didn’t need to be anywhere before noon and rarely would make it there anyway.  Her alarm would go off, I would wake up to it and she would not, and then I was met with annoyance when I would wake her up and tell her to turn it off.  She would go right back to sleep and not awake until the middle of the afternoon.  Every day I would sit her down and talk with her about the purpose of alarms, why people need them, and why she doesn’t need one.  I would take her Timex and demonstrate how to turn off the alarm.  These discussions were met with glazed confusion and fragmented responses like, “but..is… my… ararm crock?” So this carried on for some time.  I became increasingly aggressive about waking Gina up to her own alarm.  After weeks of enduring such insanity, I snapped. I may or may not have threatened to kill her if the alarm clock went off again.  She apologized and expressed to me that she understood; I felt I had finally made a connection.  Instead her remedy consisted of sleeping on the couch so as to accomodate keeping the alarm and her life.

- It was apparent that Gina was filling the Taiwanese demographic quota for BYU because girlfriend did not know english.  Point in case: she was in two of the exact same Psychology 101 class, but did not figure this out until after mid-terms. 

And I could go on forever.

Break

Things I have accomplished this Thanksgiving break:

-I have had 4 new teeth installed

-I have watched 9 episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm

-I have not seen any of my siblings for more than five minutes at a time

-I have crashed my parents’ 27th anniversary weekend getaway and accompanied them to a Trailblazers game

- I have seen The Fantastic Mr. Fox twice (it’s great)

Things I have yet to do with my time off:

-apply for internships

-write any of the four essays due upon my return to Utah

-bathe

I’d have to say that I’m still comin outta this with the W.

Dig it– Kelsey Brookes

partying with babies

Howler Bats

Reader Submission: Katie Manolopoulos

How delighted was I to wake up and discover this in my inbox?  Because this is the first reader submission, I’ll let it slide, but for future reference these must be accompanied by a mortifying picture from your youth.  Other than that, there are no guidelines. You can literally write anything. Anonymous identities are not discouraged.  In case this isn’t clear, I am fishing for some really crazy shit. Thank you for your compliance.

Send all submissions to: kaeleighkaeleigh@aol.com. 

First I would like to inform you that my gay roommate matthew likes to wake up every morning to a lovely mix of beyonce, pink, lady gaga, miley cyrus, kelly clarkson, etc. He also likes to play this exact same mix in evening before bed. I feel as though I am living in a horrible teen movie where the soundtrack of my life is being d.j.ed by power 99.1 and the theme is scorned women.

Second I have been having trouble sleeping and thus having to find ways to occupy my time and instead of being productive and studying I have started doing some old school creative writing. Seeing as how I no longer have 5,000 blogs and refuse to start one I would like to submit a piece for your consideration as a possible guest blog. I would like you to know that there is no pressure for you to accept my submission and if you do accept feel free to edit/change it as I have the writing and grammar skills of a 3 year old. At the very least I hope you will be entertained on a topic we have discussed before but has recently come back to my attention. I don’t have a title for it but here it is:

When one grows up in a relatively small town and attend public school there is a good chance that he or she may miss out on some key life lessons. Such as, when I moved to Seattle to begin college I discovered that I had absolutely no study skills. This I attribute to Mrs. Creed who held me back from going on to the more advanced math class in the 6th grade because of one B+. This set the precedent of me never having to study as a result of never really being challenged in school (especially in math class). Another discovery was that sex education failed me miserably. I’m sorry but a creepy middle-aged male “Health” teacher showing me a tampon and a video of a baby emerging from the womb does not give me everything I need to know about sex and my body. It also didn’t help that I grew up in a catholic family where my parents had only every dated each other and waited till marriage. Their idea of sex ed was popping in a semi-animated explanatory VHS for my 10 year old sister to watch and then having me (at the age of 7) tag along to kill two birds with one stone. The only further education my mother saw fit was to inform me of the most bizarre and least likely ways that a woman could get pregnant: “Katie, you need to know that if a man touches a pair of underwear that he has recently worn and then touches a pair of your underwear and then you put those underwear on, you could get pregnant….” In addition to that there was also the occasional need for her to update me on the latest sexual terminology while I was trapped in the car: “Honey, do you know what a ‘baller’ is?… It’s a man with—(making a cupping motion with her hand)—you know big….(cupping motion)…”

Needless to say, once I broke out of the bubble that is the Tri-Cities, and my family, I proceeded to educate myself where my Health classes had failed. Since then I’ve considered myself to be fairly informed about the human body and reproduction until TLC threw me curveball in the form of the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant.” It started out as a one hour special but recently it has turned into it’s own show because an obscene amount women are innocently going to the bathroom and finding babies in their toilets when they go to flush. WHAAAAAAAT?!?! Even though I first saw the show a few years ago, and stopped watching it because it is ridiculous, it was brought back to my attention when my grandma mentioned that someone she knew had a daughter that didn’t know she was pregnant and all the sudden popped out a kid. This got me doing some research on the show and how these women did not know they were pregnant. Then I started to get worried. I haven’t been having unprotected sex with every man that I meet but I do have a male roommate, and we do share a bathroom, and according to my mother toilet seats can get you pregnant if you aren’t careful. So lets say I am pregnant as a result of Immaculate Conception, the scary part is that I am a perfectly normal female that hasn’t experienced massive weight gain and has regular periods. Why is that scary? Apparently I could be having what I think are periods but are in fact a “pseudo period” where everything seems like its that time of the month but its not! Also a fetus can be really small and really sneaky and tuck itself away and not move so I can’t feel anything and it’s size isn’t causing me to gain a bunch of weight. The worst part is that home pregnancy tests can give false negatives so it doesn’t matter if I pee on a thousand sticks and they all say negative I could still be pregnant. How am I supposed to every know?!? In theory I could go to a doctor and find out for sure but I don’t have the insurance or the funds to do that so I guess I’ll just have to keep an eye out every time I go to the bathroom for the rest of my life. On the off chance that I do get knocked up without knowing I hope my fetus likes ungodly amounts of caffeine and cake.

For further information on this topic google “I didn’t know I was pregnant is that a baby in your pants?”

Katie Manolopoulos is a scholar and anti-whale activist living in Seattle.  Learn more about her here.

Insect Action

Sometimes I am reading my Behavioural Ecology textbook and I feel as though it has turned into a Sci-Fi novel.  For instance, on pg.184 (don’t read if you think you might be squeamish about insect junk):

Males often compete in ways which are less conspicuous than fights, but are no less effective.  The invertebrates are a particularly rich seam of examples.  Females dragonflies, as with many other insects, mate with a number of males and store the sperm in a special sac (the spermatheca) in the body for use at a later date.  The males compete for fertilizations by trying to ensure that previous sperm is not used by the female.  The penis of a male Orthetrum cancellatum is equipped with a barbed whip at the end which is used to scrape out of the female any sperm left by previous males.  Crocethemis erythraea, another dragonfly, uses an inflatable penis with a horn-like appendage to pack the sperm of previous males into corners of the spermetheca. 

In some invertebrates the male cements the female after copulation to prevent other males from fertilizing her.  The males of Moniliformes dubius, a parasitic acanthocephalan worm in the intestine of rats, produces a chastity belt of this kind but in addition to sealing up the female after copulation, the male sometimes copulates with rival males and applies cement to their genitals, preventing them from being able to mate again.  No less remarkable are the habits of the hemipteran insect Xylocoris maculipennis.  A male Xylocoris may inject his sperm into a rival male.  The sperm then swim to the victim’s testes, where they will be passed on to the next female that the victim mates.

What?!?! Is someone messing with me? Man, that mother nature is one crazy hussy.

In other news, did anyone see the Lenoid meteor shower?  I desperately tried to stay awake, to no avail.  I’m not as young as I once was.

 

needs/wants/desires

I have conveniently made a shopping list for everyone to purchase my christmas/hannukuh/birthday presents from.  Due to the struggling economy I have selected items below the $300 mark out of consideration for your budget constraints.  You’re welcome.

messenger bag:

Celestron Powerseeker, for looking into the sun:

‘nocs, for birdwatching and neighborwatching:

 

MET Jewelry (I don’t have a boyfriend and the immediate outlook is not promising, so someone has to pick up the slack in the jewelry department):

Moroccan tea set:

keyboard (full and weighted, more specifically):

Terrarium (didn’t know I needed this til jil told me):

 

Bike(found here):

There. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.  I know you all won’t let me down.

Fuzzy Memories- S.H.O.U.T.

In high school, I was briefly associated with an extracurricular club called S.H.O.U.T. – Students Helping Others to Understand Tobacco[1].  How I got involved with a topic I felt such indifference toward I do not recall.  Someone probably convinced me that it was great resume fodder.  Anyway.  S.H.O.U.T. would schedule stings during the school’s lunch hour where the students go around to local businesses and attempt to illegally buy cigarettes.  If anyone actually succeeds at doing so they are to inform the guilty business of the impending $300 fine.  What high-schooler would volunteer their spare time for such a completely lame undertaking? The future raging alcoholics of eastern Washington, that’s who. (I’m fairly certain in retrospect that ciggarettes were the least of most S.H.O.U.T. participant’s problems).  My first and only meeting attendance was a prep course for successfully suckering people into selling you ciggs.  The teacher who ran the club advised the girls to wear lipstick and pull their hair back for the big day in order to look older.  A list of cigarette brands was distributed and we were to all take turns doing a practice run-through of our script, which read “Hello, may I please have some insert cigarette brand?”  I am called upon and I say in my most casual voice, “Hello, may I please have some Kools?”  Everyone erupts into laughter and the teacher condescendingly says, “Kaeleigh, Kools are for black people.”  I never returned.  Thus ended my stint in anti-drug activism.

High School- a confusing time for everyone

It's so obvious now

---

[1] Katie Manolopoulos, text message

Launching a Frigate

 

SOCIALISM!!!!!!AAAAHHHHH

I am amused by all of the people who are reacting to the new health care bill with, “that’s it, I’m moving” because, are you moving to Qatar?  Every place in the world where you would actually want to live has a health care system that you hate.

Read em and weep:

Key details of health overhaul bill

The House health care bill passed Saturday would do the following:

» Require most Americans to purchase health insurance or pay a fine.

»Expand health care coverage to 36 million more people over the next decade.

»Require employers with payrolls above $500,000 to provide insurance to their employees or pay a fine.

»Prohibit insurance companies from denying coverage because of pre-existing medical conditions.

»End premium disparities between men and women.

»Impose a 5.4 percent income tax surcharge on income above $500,000 annually for individuals and above $1 million annually for households.

»Establish a government-run insurance plan to compete with private insurers beginning in 2013.

»Cost $1.2 trillion over 10 years.

»Cut Medicare spending by more than $400 billion over 10 years.

The Associated Press

 

How did Utah vote? A trio of nos

 »R Utah’s House members voted against passage of the Affordable Health Care for America Act.

 Rob Bishop » R, ‘no’

Jim Matheson » D, ‘no’

Jason Chaffetz » R, ‘no’

No where does this provide that the upper-tax bracket pay for my abortions.  Democracy fails me again. I AINT PAYIN FOR THE LOW-INCOME LAZY JACKASSES OF THE WORLD TA GET DOCTORED, YOU KEEP THE HEALTH PLAN AND I’LL KEEP THE CHANGE, etc.  Wait, I qualify as low-income? Nevermind. Play on, Pelosi. On to senate! Long live public option. Conclusive fragment.

Fuzzy Memories

Halloween ca.1999.  Am I supposed to be a baby?!  I don’t get it.

 

Seymour the Symphony Seagull

Just another day at work.

The Archives- 9/07

Here are some pictures of the apartment (shall I say, “garbage dump”) that Natalie, Rachael, and I shared before we broke up.  We documented it with pictures…because we were so proud? Only a serious meth addiction could justify this decor, but our meth usage was strictly recreational. 

what up with that?

The Archives: 6/22/07

I’ve decided to post old stuff from ye ole myspace blog so I can delete it.  This material is not really worth preserving, but I’m going to go ahead and publish it for my posterity.

I live in a hotel.

online customer reviews of The Plaza:

“This hotel brings new meaning to the word scummy.  Located next to the greyhound bus station, if you stay here you will be located with the following… (1). Transients looking for cigarettes near the lobby area (begging you for money). (2) Prostitutes going into the hotel to meet with their clients. (3) The worst restaurant in Salt Lake “J.B.’s” located inside the hotel. (4) Last but not least you will witness several confrontations with drunken transients near the lobby entrance.  This hotel is just scummy. The furniture does not match and the carpet is all torn up. The rooms are old and outdated. We have never been so insulted. If you stay here you ar either really brave or really stupid. The rates are high and you will leave feeling like you have just been mugged. Without question this is the worst hotel in Salt Lake. AWFUL! AWFUL! AWFUL!”

“The bedding was dirty with mustard, ketchup stains and who knows what else.”

“Extreme constant noise (screaming and banging) last night.”

“This place was horrible. It was my honeymoon and there were no gift baskets available so we got a voucher for breakfast, which turned out to be disgusting.”

“With a name like the Plaza Hotel, I pictured something very nice. Instead, it was noticeably old and outdated. There was a loud explosion at 2 am that could’ve raised the dead. Very concerning!”

“Terrible hotel. I travel 200+ nights a year and stay in hotels and this hotel was definately in the top two worst.”

“Luckily we did not have to spend too much time in the room, which I found depressing. Dark, old decorations and furniture. Air conditioner blows extremely loudly all night, toilet ran. Fridge didn’t work. Ice machine didn’t work. Showerhead leaked. Bathroom light is on a TIMER! TV was fuzzy. Elevators were slow. Pool was grubby and FREEZING. JBS, next door, has slow service and barely adaquate food. Front desk clerks know nothing. The “balcony” is about 14 inches wide- you can’t even stand sideways, let alone sit!”

“There’s construction going on all around until about 10:30 pm. Then the air in the plumbing started to make very constant and loud noises. This went on all night long. Then at about 5:00 am, the construction began again.”

This is where I live. 

so your cat wants a massage?

 Headed up to washington tomorrow…. booyah! This was shown to me today at work. enjoy: 

Fuzzy Memories

Natalie Mitchell, ca. 1999

tribune public forum

In our face

Updated: 09/28/2009 01:11:37 PM MDT

 Never in my life have I seen such a phenomenon as we Americans are seeing take place right now. It seems that President Barack Obama is constantly in our face, whether it be television news and entertainment shows, e-mail and the Internet, radio, newsprint and on and on. This man seems to have an insatiable craving for public attention. Or is it that as they see their numbers falling, the president and his Democrat machine are getting so intensely desperate that this strategy is seen as necessary to bolster support for the sliding administration. It reminds me of the cinematic great imperial leader from on high addressing his poor, ignorant subjects.

I can hardly wait until 2012 when maybe — just maybe — the American people will have wised up and see through this man. However, my hopes for either party are growing dim. It seems like we will always love lies better than truth.

Steve Cannon

Salt Lake City

Ubiquitous Obama

Updated: 10/02/2009 06:47:34 PM MDT

I couldn’t agree more with Steve Cannon’s assessment on President Barack Obama and his media saturation (“In our face,” Forum, Sept. 29).  Every time I turn on the news, there he is, telling us what he is doing. He doesn’t seem to want to just “take care” of these issues without keeping us — or Congress — unnecessarily informed. Didn’t we elect him to “just handle it” so we don’t have to think about these things?

There he is one minute, meeting with citizens to explain the need for health care reform, the next he’s meeting with leaders from the Middle East seeking for a solution to the Israel-Palestine crisis, then he’s at the United Nations promoting American interests. Who in the hell does he think he is … the president of the United States?

Maybe in 2012 we can elect someone less ostentatious.  Someone who won’t worry about the constitutionality of their actions or trouble us citizens with the nasty details of secret policies. Then we can just go back to watching our regular television programs, and everything will be fine.

Ken McCabe

Bluffdale

October 2nd – prep time

I like to fully commit myself to Halloween.  I tend to take it in the opposite direction from my peers in that I make an effort to make myself look worse than I do in my day-to-day lifem,and I do this by dressing as generally unattractive celebrities.  Last year I was a Jonas:

And then the year before I nailed the Amy Winehouse:

But this year is going to be the greatest feat of them all:

Actually, the greater challenge is probably going to be Jil’s because she’s going to have to go blackface.

Does anyone have a wooden cane I can borrow?  Or a rolling whiteboard?

diurnal fair weather electric fields

Today will be 50 with a chance of snow! Go fig.  Last night’s lightning was cool as hell, man. Weather report courtesy of the itsastrangemagic.wordpress.com  meteorology team. 

I don’t think anyone cares when I post music (or anything else for that matter), but I’m gonna do it again anyway. Cuz it’s my damn blog– love it or leave it.  To hell with all of you, here’s some rainy day music.

St.Vincent- These Days

Chopin- Nocturne 9 in D-flat maj, op27 no2

Volcano Choir- IS

Duke Ellington- Harlam Airshaft

Benoit Pioulard- Ash Into Sky

EITS- look into the air

bacon is good for me

hello.

Do you ever find yourself annoyed at the inconvenience of having to pull over and wait for an ambulance or fire truck to pass you? And then you’re like, oh yeah, somewhere someone’s dying.

Jil and Valori have abandoned me for NY and yet this house is full of people right now.  You’d be surprised at how many homeless squatters they associate with.

I have to go work an 11-hour day now.

Read: Krugman9/25

Goodbye.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Fans Welcome Here

You know, when I made this blog I didn’t set out to be the internet haven for all things Jennifer Love Hewitt, but the universe willed it so and thusly verily it has come to pass.  Here are the stats for what people are searching to find this blog:

Look at the freaks that are inadvertently finding me.  Puffy Nipples with 205? And you should know that Puffy Nipple (singular) just missed the top 13 with 116 searches.  I have yet to discuss puffy nipples here, despite my wealth of knowledge on the subject.  And Taylor Lautner has never been so much as mentioned on this site; in fact I thought that was a girl until I just looked it up.  Well let me tell you, the idea that so many people are leaving here unsatisfied just doesn’t jive well with me.  So since this is fastly becoming the internet’s Taylor Lautner resource, I figure I should give the people what they want.  Without further adieu:

Here’s his biography that I found on imbd:

Taylor Lauter was born Lauren Taylor in the year 1992.  He was born into the Idaho northern shishone tribe and began operating his own buffet counter at the reservation’s 2nd to 6th most successful casino at the age of 10.  His prodigious culinary career ended abruptly when some poorly prepared shrimp that was traced (allegedly) to his cart resulted in the cancellation of Collective Soul’s labor day performance.  Shunned from the reservation, he sought refuge at the Los Angeles Institute of Mimery.  He initially found success in the field, until he progressed to the intermediate classes only to find that his mimed boxes would never meet the standard of the LAIM’s headmistress (whom Taylor referred to as “head bitch”) and she consequently pulled his scholarship.  Distraught and homeless, Taylor kept himself afloat the best way he knew how: discreet nightly favors for the elderly.  As luck would have it, Ang Lee’s grandmother was his best customer.  She ended up hiring Taylor for Ang’s 54th birthday.  Ang was impressed, and made Taylor into a huge movie star who to this day he makes the elderly women swoon.  They troll the internet nightly for obscure blogs mentioning his name.  Taylor currently resides with his alpaca in Irvine, CA.  He ended up getting a pretty serious urinary tract infection last year.

- imbd

Greetings From Denver

Found these in my inbox:

the physics show

It was really surprising when Winona Ryder came out onto the stage to sing at the Arctic Monkeys show, but it was a beautiful experience nonetheless.

The most normal photo we could produce:

shiantology

A while back, Amelia introduced me to Shiantology.com : where I go to meet like-minded people and display all of my previously unappreciated shia labeouf artwork (lovingly referred to on the site as “Creashians” or “ShiArt”).  My favorite would have to be the labeouf-pattinson conglomerate piece.  Read ‘em and weep.

martyr of the month

This baby can be found at Peterskirche in Munich.  Munditia here is posed in a casual recline and has been fully bedazzled.  

Full Resolution

So I don’t know if writing something on your blog makes it legally binding, but my family can take note that this is a fine example of how I would like my remains to be treated and displayed.  Instead of placing them in a church, however, I would like to be located in the entrance of the Crown Burger on 200 S. 

And I figured out how I’m going to die when I was at the state fair.  They had a windowed semi-truck full of sharks on display.  I want to get in an accident with said truck (highly probable) and then have the sharks finish the job.